Tales Of Symphonia Dating Chronicles
by Narakusnoone
Summary: There will be alot of pairings. And if you review and make a suggestion Then I will try to Oblige. Based on the grand Cardinals.
1. Chapter 1

_**Tales Of Symphonia Dating Chronicles**_

I do not own Tales Of Symphonia

Chapter Prologue

It was a beautiful day up in Derris-Kharlan. Beautiful and boring to say the least. All the grand cardinals were sitting at a bar drinking off their asses. Magnius saw an angel walk by and noticed a nice nonconformist walk in her stride. Kvar said, "I'd hit that if it moved in bed." Forcystus happily said, "I'm glad to say that I am a married man." Kratos said, "I don't think that Pronyma being the Polygamist is counted as being married." Yuan said, "Yeah, I mean who knows how many times she's shared a bed with half the desian population." Magnius asked, "She does that many? Wow? How does she find the time to do them separately?" Yuan said, "Who said anything about separately seeing them?" The cardinals and seraphim laughed. Rodyle said, "I had the most interesting idea. I plan to open a dating service for Cruxis." Magnius said, "I can see it now." He Cleared his throat. "Hi. I am angel number three seeking another angel whose number is multiple of three. Must be a conformist and act like a tree in bed because that will be the only thing stiff. Oh yeah I know how to make you cum with a moderate ferocity." Again they laughed. Then Mithos sat next to them. He said to Rodyle, "I couldn't but overhear everything and I think you guys are right. A dating service would be good but let's make it world wide. I'm sure we could screw some people up." Rodyle then said, "See the boss agrees." They all looked at Magnius. He stared at them and said, "I don't like that look." The other cardinals and seraphims grabbed and said, "You first. You're the only one of us that hasn't got laid let."

It's short and not up to par with some of my stuff but it will improve. R&R.


	2. Magnius

Tales of Symphonia Dating Chronicles

I case you don't know Namco owns the tales series not me.

Magnius

Rodyle had led Magnius into a room where he had a camera set up. He sat Magnius down on a stool and said, "Remember. This is going to be viewed by a lot of people, be them elf, half-elf, or human, so one mistake could screw you over for life." Magnius said, " So no pressure there." Rodyle gave a mad chuckle and said, "Action!"

"Hi, I'm Magnius Elm. As many of you know, I am one of the Desian Grand Cardinals. I am doing this because I seek a companion. I like to play poker on the weekends, along with drinking, nothing too hard though because I like to drive. My other hobbies are cooking. I especially enjoy making pasta dishes with a very good basil sauce. My idea of a good woman is one who isn't so uncomfortable with her body that she can actually stand to eat something, anything. Also she must be able to hold an almost intelligent conversation. Body wise, As stated before, I am not into women who deliberately starve themselves, but that doesn't mean I don't mind a nice petite figure. My turnoffs include people who enjoy hurting little animals. I mean I'm cruel but that act is just sick. I also hate instant ramen. If I don't make it, I'm not eating it. I also really hate people who keep asking me about my scars. There are some stories that are better left untold. I only tell people I trust about my scars. And I really hate people who are dishonest. In other words, don't apply if you have had any type of enhancing surgery in the past few years. Thank you and again, I'm Magius."

"Cut! Very good Magnius I just need to send this out and see if we can't get some replies."

R&R.


	3. Replies

-1Tales of symphonia is namcos.

Tales of Symphonia Dating Chronicles

Chapter 3. Magnius gets his replies and Forcystus reveals his wife

Lloyd and his friends were stuck in there cells in Cruxis Headquarters. That and they were creeped the fuck out. Standing outside their cells were the desian grand cardinals, all five of them. As they remembered they killed Magnius and Kvar but there they were as plain as day. "How in the hell are you living? We killed you sorry asses and blew you guys up in the ranches!" Yelled Lloyd.

"Uh-Duh! Kratos in on our side. Remember?" Said Magnius. "He pulled us out. Well he willingly helped me anyways. Kvar had some serious ass kissing to do before he was saved."

"Shut it, scar face!" yelled Kvar who looked ready to kill his fellow cardinal.

"Both of you shut up!" Forcystus yelled at the weakest of the cardinals.

All of a sudden an angel descended in front of the cardinals and said quite monotonously, "Mail call. Five packages for Magnius Elm. Three love letters for Pronmya. Jury Duty notice for Rodyle. Cable bill for Kvar. Credit card application for Forcystus. Thank you have a nice day." And with that the angel left with an unimpressive conformist flight pattern.

"I thought I paid them already. Now their saying that if I don't pay they'll cut me off." said Kvar.

Magnius looked over his shoulder and then said, "Shave My Genitals? I Lick Myself? I love Crabs?" He looked at Kvar directly and the asked, "Seriously. Have you ever thought that you may have a pornography problem?"

"Well what about you?" Asked Kvar. "Aren't those naughty videos?"

"Actually, I think these are the responses from my dating video." said Magnius eyeing the tapes as if they were bombs.

"Well," Rodyle said, "Put them on."

For some strange reason, quite possibly the authors twisted imagination, a huge ass TV and VCR were present. Magnius grabbed one of his tapes and put it in. Instantly he wished that for all that was good to kill him as the ugliest looking rat faced hag showed herself on the screen. "Hey there handsome. My name is Granny Thong and I have a thing for strong men like yourself. Just watch me dance for you."

"Someone hit eject." The Grand Cardinals were too scared to move but luckily, Kratos and Mithos arrived and hit eject before the woman got to dancing.

Rodyle said, "I don't remember sending a video to my mother. Oh well. Put in the next one."

Magnius did not want to but did anyway. He immediately regretted it. All the people present except Magnius burst out laughing as a transvestite in need of a shave popped on the screen. He didn't give the video five seconds before ejecting it and smashing it on his knee. He grabbed the next one thinking it couldn't be any worse but he thought wrong. This one came from his mother and happened to be his potty training days. He was getting pissed as he ejected that one and put in the next one to reveal, his prom night spent stagging with his cousin Rego who scared away every girl in a fifty mile radius. He quickly ejected that one grabbed the last one and put it in knowing that whatever god in heaven didn't hate him that much. And he was right. There on the screen was a half elf girl about nineteen years old. She had blue hair and green eyes. She also had a light blush on her cheeks. "Hi. My name is Marissa Lander. I'm a student at Altamira's academy of culinary arts. Like you I find that food tastes better if you make it yourself. I also hate people who have surgery on themselves to make themselves look younger. My hobbies include cooking, and writing. And I am available on weekends if you want to meet up. I spend most of my free time at a small café in the educational district. Well, that's all I wanted to say. Um, bye."

Magnius stood up and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've found a winner." he ejected the video and held it close to him.

Rodyle then said, "Alright. It is now your turn Forcystus." He pulled out a camera and pointed it at Forcystus. "So what do you have to say to the ladies?"

Forcystus said, "I'm Married."

Kvar said, "I thought we said that Pronmya was not the best match."

Forcystus then said, "Perhaps if you idiots would stop thinking with your wangs you would have noticed that Pronmya is not attracted to creatures of the male persuasion. Or if you need it dumbed down, she is a Lesbian."

All stared in shock at Pronmya who shrugged and said, "So I like women. I don't care if the world knows."

Magnius then said, "But, the time you spend by Lord Yggdrasil and the time you spend flirting with others."

"Okay. First off the only thing between Yggdrasil and I is a mutual friendship. Secondly I only flirted because my parents are still hoping for grandchildren. I have been looking for the perfect specimen who I can stand to be around for more than a few hours."

Rodyle then said, "Well then, that means that Forcystus wasn't lying. Spill it. If Pronmya and you aren't married then who is your wife?"

Forcystus walked over to one of the cells. "My wife happens to be in this cell dressed in a teachers uniform." He pointed to Raine. A lot of jaws dropped at this statement.

Kratos then said, "I want to hear this one."

To Be Continued

R&R.


	4. Chapter 4

-1Tales of Symphonia is namcos.

Tales of Symphonia Dating Chronicles

Chapter Four Forcystus talks about his wife

Forcystus lowered the bars of Raine's cell and pulled her into one hell of a kiss. "Get a room you two." sneered Rodyle. They both broke apart. Raine said, "Wow. You've missed doing that haven't you?" to which Forcystus replied, "Trust me babe. If we were alone I'd be doing something else. For instance, I'd have George Micheals ' I'm Never Gonna Dance Again' playing in the background and have a bath for two ready with lily scented oils…" and as the Grand Cardinals minus Pronmya were listening to this most sickening display they heard Raine and the other females present giggling like school girls on crack. "So what do you say?" Forcystus was smiling. "Tell ya what dear. You add a back massage and it's a date." She had a dreamy seductive look in her eyes. Kratos, who knew just how effective George Micheals and warm baths were on women, them being the reason he and Anna were in so much love, asked, "So exactly, how did you meet?"

Forcystus pulled up a chair out of nowhere, sat down with Raine in his lap, and said, "It would be about fourteen years ago, next week Tuesday. You remember right Magnius? I invited you to help me christen my new liquor cabinet by drinking all the booze I stocked it with."

Magnius then said, "Oh yeah! I was bringing that bottle of Flanoir Celsius Tear Schnapps. Speaking of which, Do you have any of that left?"

"Yeah. I haven't even gotten into it yet. But that is beside the point. The point is that when Magnius arrived, one of my soldiers came busting in as we were about to start drinking down the Tequila I had saved."

Kratos the said, "Wait. You had Tequila?"

To which Forcystus replied, "I still do. But back to the story. The soldier entered my office and told me that the inferior beings were having a party. I was baffled because I could not think of any reason why they would have to celebrate as the Chosen was born two years previous. And then my math kicked in. Party equals booze. And you guys know I can't pass up free booze."

Kvar scoffed. "Of course you can't. the only time you drink with us is when you know someone else is paying."

But Magnius said, "And Forcystus shouldn't have to pay. As I remember it, You had those massive parking tickets and had your car towed a total seventy-two times just last year. And it was Forcystus who spotted you the money to get it out pay off your tickets. While Rodyle never got a license to drive and Forcystus was happy to give a ride to him. Pronmya, Forcystus ,and I are old friends from college. Enough said. And don't get me started on the Seraphim. Forcystus is basically a good Samaritan who asks for a little drink in return."

Forcystus then said, "Damn Straight. Anyway, Magnius and I went down to the village. We found the party to be held in a very big enclosure. There we were greeted by the mayor who upon seeing was going to pee his pants until he caught us eyeing the open bar. Being the smart ass that he was, he humbly invited us to join. That was where Magnius and I separated. I went over to the bar. He, being the poker nut that he was, found an empty table and started to entice people to join him so he could hustle them. Anyway, I had just got to the bar when my caught the sight of a young lady with her nose in a book. I could tell that she was half-elf. She noticed me looking at her and then she lifted her face up from her book. And believe me, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my good eye on. And truth be told," He kissed Raine on the lips, "She still is."

Kratos said, "That's good and all but how is it that you ended up married?"

Forcystus said, "Well, You see, we started talking to one another. And then the subject changed to ruins and the Balucruf Dynasty, and you guys remember that I have a degree in Archeology plus my full elven was resident of Balucruf during it fall so I had a lot to put in to the conversation. But mind you she and I were taking in large amounts of vodka. And we drank until everything went blank. So imagine my reaction waking up the next day with a hangover in a room I did not recognize. I woke up and hung my head over the railing of the bed feeling as though I was going to puke. But I didn't. I felt a lump behind me and figured it to be Magnius because as far as I know neither of us would be able to drive and we decided to split the cost of a room. Anyway, I got up to use the toilet and found that I was missing my underwear. So now re-imagine my reaction to waking up in a strange room without my underwear thinking that Magnius was with me." He paused. Their was a light snicker in the room that was growing louder. Suddenly the entire room burst out laughing. "Yeah. That is so mature." He waited for the laughter to die down. "I thought it would okay at first. I could just grab my clothes and leave before Anything happened. But I checked the mirror and my current bedmate was stirring. And then her head popped up from under the covers. Now at first I thought that I was glad that it wasn't Magnius, and then I thought 'Oh Shit!' Because let's face it guys, Here I am naked thinking I was drunk enough to play 'Hide the Salami' with Magnius only to find that it was a woman. And this is why. You guys know that I don't condone sex before marriage. And that was when I caught sight of her nude form as she positioned the cover to give me a full frontal view. You can guess that I was having a nosebleed then. And to make matters worse she was waking up. Our eyes met. And then we did what any others in position would do. We screamed. And I was there trying to explain that I didn't mean to look at her. And then as I positioned my hand in front of my face to stop her from hitting me I noticed a silver band on my finger. She saw it too and immediately looked at her own hand and saw the same kind of band on her finger. And then I saw on the table a certificate of marriage bearing my name, Forcystus Percival Sage and Raine Nymphadora Cedar."

Kvar And Rodyle Burst out laughing both saying, "PERCIVAL! THAT IS SO GAY!"

"Better Percival than Marian or Skipper." Stated Forcystus smugly. "And I would wonder why you don't make fun of Raine's name."

To which Lloyd replied, "I doubt even Yggdrsil is crazy enough to get on Raine's bad side.

Forcystus said, "Point Taken. Well anyway. We stayed in that room for a few hours just thinking on what to do. I mean she liked humans for the most part and I ran a human ranch. We were two completely different Half-Elves. But after hours of deliberation we decided to stay married."

Kratos then said, "That's a such a lovely story. But I'm Surprised that you managed to stay married and not have any children." And a cold air filled the room. "Oh no way! You have had children?"

Forcystus started saying, "Cut it off!"

And then for the first time since Forcystus finished his story Raine spoke up. "We can't keep the truth from him anymore. He's old enough now." She turned to Genis.

Genis looked at Raine and said in a scared tone, "I don't like that look Raine. Why are you giving me that look?"

Raine then said, "I love you very much Genis but you are not my little brother. You are my son."

"…" Genis was wide-eyed. "…"

Forcystus then said, "Come give your father a hug."

"…" Genis was now looking at the wall like he was a broken toy.

"Hold on. I know how to take care of this. Here." Forcystus pulled out a bag of Gald and said, "How about you go get a video game system and call it a present from your old man."

To which Genis said, "Thanks dad." And ran off like he had smoked a lot of crack.

Raine said, "Now I believe you said something about a romantic night. Plus a back massage."

To which Forcystus replied, "Actually I was thinking a full body massage while I pamper your every need and then we make sure that Genis won't be an only child." Her only reply was to wrap her arms around Forcystus's neck and giving him a seductive look. And then he and Raine were off to his Apartment.

And then Rodyle said, "Okay. That was Random." He then looked around the room. "Okay. Whose next?" All the seraphim and the remaining Cardinals vacated the area leaving only the remaining members of the regeneration crew. Rodyle smiled evilly and said, "This could work." The regeneration party looked at him and gulped.

R&R. And please answer my poll.

Who should be tortured next:

A)Zelos

B)Lloyd

C)Regal


End file.
